I know it’s vain and superficial and all of that stuff, but I wish I could smile. So badly. And I feel as though it’s such a small, trivial thing.. especially compared to everything else that’s been impaired, like the droopy eyes. But, so many people talk about smiles. How he has such a nice smile or how she has the cutest dimples when she laughs or whatever. Recently, I feel as though all people ever talk about is smiling. Or, I hear the word everywhere I turn. As though people are talking about it around every corner. I haven’t been able to smile for nearly a year. I mean, really smile. My smile. I’d like to be able to laugh without looking like an idiot. It’s in my cheeks. Because my cheeks are weak. So my facial expressions are generally heinous.
I feel as though it’s superficial because I’m the same Emily and I’m okay with not looking like my normal self. I really have come to terms with it. Sometimes, it just really gets to me. I want the smile for myself and because it’s important to me, not because of anyone else or for anyone else. I’m not trying to impress anyone with my teeth or anything. I just want to have confidence. I can only try so hard against things that are out of my control.
“If you want to be somebody else, if you’re tired of fighting battles with yourself.. if you want to be somebody else, change your mind.”
I wish it was that simple. I wish I had the willpower to just do that.
