Yesterday, I went to see the neurologist for the first time in something like 8 months? No, more. However long it actually was…it was a much needed return. Not because symptoms are ablaze or anything, but because I’ve really missed the hospital/my doctors. That sounds a little weird but, honestly, I kind of feel like they’ve been some of the constants that have been there for me when I needed it. Truth- that’s their job. But, they’ve seen me grow up and deal with Myasthenia. And, I’m so proud to return to them as the woman that I am today: I am at a school that I love. I have formed friendships that are stronger than anything in the past. I am still pushing myself. I am swimming competitively. I plan to run the marathon next spring. I am past the point where I consider MG to be a problem.
When I was at my little check up, my doctor was raving about how I have conquered this and how I have made a miraculous turnout. He attributes this to my character, but I’m not sure. My mom tells me to not minimize everything that I’ve been through because it’s really been a struggle, but I’m not sure about that either. Sure, everything was miserable at times…but isn’t that life? Aren’t we all thrown curveballs? Mine was just a different form than I ever expected.
Every time that I go to that hospital, I get flooded with emotion. It was there that I felt my lowest and most impatient. But, most importantly, it was there that I was forced to grow up. Sometimes, I get so caught up in resuming life that I really forget everything that happened. It’s as though it’s just another story that I hear second hand. Did it actually happen? Of course it did, but it doesn’t feel that way. And, I get a little scared that I’m going to forget about it. Kind of like forgetting your roots or where you came from. It’s such an important part of my life that I want this experience to be a part of even my smallest decisions. And, I don’t want to fall into the pattern of making decisions that I would have resented myself for making when I was the poster-child for MG. I guess I’m just afraid of become insensitive.
Posted by Little Miss Greedy 