I’m Just Sittin’ Out Here Watching Airplanes

I love it when I say things that don’t make sense.

I’ve been going in and out of funks lately, so disregard whatever I’ve been saying.  I say one thing and mean/feel another…constantly.  The only underlying reason that I can think of would have to be that I hate saying goodbye.  Or, even if I’m not saying goodbye, I hate the idea and the feeling that I’m going to have to part from people that I’ve really enjoy spending time with.  Leaving.  I hate the entire idea of leaving.  There.  It probably stems back to that whole transient stage that I went through–where I missed out on the last couple of weeks of senior year, where I took a medical leave after my very first semester of college, where I stayed at home during second semester, where I had an amazing and refreshing summer and then felt like it never happened.

Losing touch with people is inevitable, and we all share different purposes in each others’ lives.  But, I wish that it didn’t have to happen.  It doesn’t have to happen, really.  And who knows- it’s still early right now.  Maybe we won’t lose touch.

In two(ish) days, I’ll be going on a 5-day long silent retreat called the Spiritual Exercises.  It’s done through my school and it’s supposed to be a time of silence, reflection, and prayer.  It’s an opportunity to open yourself up to your spiritual and religious beliefs and really gain perspective on your life, where you have been, and where you’ll be going.  I really hope that I’ll be able to focus on a lot more than this past summer, though.  Summer was unbelievable, and I’ve definitely grown incredibly as a person.  I wouldn’t change a single thing from this summer.  It has been chock full of learning experiences.  But, there’s so much more to review and think about.  I’m more than my experiences from this summer and I hope that I can get through to that.

I’ve Given You My Best, Why Does She Get The Best From You?

If everything happens for a reason, and we recognize and understand these reasons, what happens when we don’t want to accept any of it?  What happens when we can grasp it all, but just want to let it all go in hopes for a little bit more?  Kind of similar to a gamble, I guess.  People walk in and out of lives all of the time, and each person brings with them his or her own story that helps us learn about him or herself, about others, and about ourselves.  Well, I want to know what happens when we’ve reached the point where we can identify and process their purpose and their impact on our own person, but just don’t care and want more than that.  Clearly…I mean, I already stated that.  Why can’t shortlived relationships prosper and grow beyond these lessons?  It can’t be greedy to want more than just what’s meant to be, right?  It can’t be if it’s for the right reasons.  Not so you can benefit by strictly learning more about yourself and others, but rather because you genuinely care about the other person and genuinely enjoy their company.  Right?  Does that make sense?  Maybe not, on account of one learns about his or herself through relationships and interacting with others.  But, what if that’s not the incentive?