I should be in bed right now. Tomorrow, I’m going to Honduras.
This trip has quite literally been in the making for two years. I was supposed to go last summer, but political turmoil caused me to cancel the trip. This time around, well, I’ll be there. I’m going down with a group of people from school and we’re setting up a medical clinic, just for a week. We’ll be in the more impoverished, rural areas helping out in the ways that we can. We can’t do much to heal these people, but we can be there for them and show them that people care. That’s the most important of it all anyways.
The weeks leading up to this point have been quite chaotic emotionally. I keep going through identity crisises. Doubting what I firmly know and believe. Feeling alone. It’s all funny, because I like being alone sometimes. I lke being by myself and away from everything. Away from the chaos. I like the silence and I like the stillness. The break from the noise is the most amazing release. In all of this, I realized that everything that all of this “stuff” that I firmly believe in…all of the “stuff” about myself and being happy and comfortable with who I am…is all delicate. It’s easy to lose track of of it all and it’s certainly easy to let it slip through your hands. But, I kind of like how it’s a dynamic process. There’s never such thing as static when it comes to understanding yourself.
I will say that, lately, I have been overcome by an urge, a desire, to do more. To give everything that I can give. To find a way to make a difference. I want to do something big…something that positively impacts others in a personal way. I just want to help others. I don’t know quite how, but it’ll be big. Hell, it’ll be huge. Just watch me.
